Golden Doodles

I am filled with excitement as I write this post!! Our sweet girl Opal, is pregnant! We are expecting some cute little Golden Doodle puppies around March.

If you are interested in being a doodle parent, shoot us an email at Goldendoodle31@gmail.com

I am not enough

       Our women's bible study started back last night, so I should have been prepared for the attack. I wasn't. From stomach troubles right before study began to a terrible nightmare about ruining a perfectly set cheesecake, the enemy was working. I woke up with such a wave of guilt and shame worse than any nausea, not from poor dream baking, but stupid things I did yesterday. Forgot to send a card, ate a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies (darn you tagalongs!), I didn't answer truthfully, and I had a very poorly packed diaper bag. These are just the ones I can remember and I know that more will float to the surface if I let it simmer. 

        I see the world around me- the Instagram posts of beautiful shots of people's kids eating kale all while not spilling their perfectly positioned coffee cup ( are they standing on the table?). I have had very few instances in life where I could take a picture of my kitchen table without making someone sick to their stomach by looking at what 3 years worth of yogurt and peanut butter messes does to wood. I know this is not the "real world", but as a society we live half online. Seeing these pictures and reading beautifully written prose are like being beaten with the shame stick. I hear the enemy say, "you are not enough and you never will be". I will never be enough. Never be thin or fit enough. Never have the right makeup. Never have enough time to bake. Never be featured in Instyle for my Target clearance rack fashion choices. Never have a clean house. Never keep up with my blog. And on and on and on. "I get it!" I scream, I know!
    Then the tense silence is broken by the sweetest voice I know- "these things are not what makes you enough, I AM".
     Why do I always forget my worthiness doesn't come from my ability to balance on a table and take a picture of my bible and coffee with perfect lighting all while my children play peacefully with all organic, American-made toys?
You get it, I am not enough, but I know the One who is, the One who makes me more than enough.
In Colossians 1 Paul is writing such a heartfelt letter to people he calls "God's faithful people". Oh, to be called that! He goes on to write that,
     "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light." (Colossians 1:9-12).
      The magic words I read are "His glorious might", not "buck up girl, you need to be better".
I can't do it alone. You can try and try until you are blue in the face or having nightmares about cheesecake, but we can only live with the Lifegiver. We are QUALIFIED!
      So, this is me, not giving in to the shame and guilt, turning my eyes away from Instagram and onto the beautiful face of Jesus.
There is an old hymn that says
"Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace".
I have tears running down my unwashed face and relief in my heart that I am enough with Him.

JT makes 3

     Being a mom of three for almost three months now, I see that the more children you have, the longer it takes to do pretty much everything. This seems pretty obvious, but I didn't fully consider how much  longer "doing life" would take- bedtimes, bath times, meals, ect. I say this to explain why it has taken me three months to write JT's birth story, and as I type this I realize it's unnecessary to explain why it has taken a while. Three tiny humans call my house home and daily activities have pushed certain sentimental tasks by the wayside. Without further delay, and as I avoid said tiny humans' demands for more snacks, here is sweet JT's entrance into the world.

Evie and I did some shopping the day before JT was born. 

October 16th, my due date came and went, and so did my parents and josh's parents. I should have been prepared for the lengthening of daily task as I waited anxiously to go into labor and it didn't happen. Both my other children were born on their due dates so when the 16th came and went I was bewildered. Mom stayed and like the wonder woman she is helped me to take care of Judah and Evie. On Wednesday morning, I woke up to some contractions and decided to get up and see if they stuck around. After Evie's precipitous and accidental home birth, Josh was a little on edge, so he asked if I was having contractions. Before I got a chance to say, "Let's see if they stick around" he was showered, packed and had put air in the truck tires. They didn't stick, as soon as I walked around the contractions completely disappeared. The 4am wake up call just turned into an early start to the day. 

Joshua Thomas 8lbs 2oz. 21.5 inces born at 2:45 am

     On Wednesday night, my poor husband was exhausted and ready for bed. He decided to head that way around 9 and I jokingly told him that I would see him in two hours. Sure enough, around 11:30 I woke to a huge contraction and got up to walk around. My mom woke up to check on me and after four contractions I knew it was time to go, so she went to wake up Josh while I focused on not giving birth in my kitchen. We rushed to the truck and thank the Lord, made it to the hospital. After a rather lengthy check in process, I went to triage where I was admitted and waited for the coveted "natural birthing suite" to get cleaned. When we got to the room my midwife and her student were waiting on us and I was able to get into the bathtub to help with labor pains. I was so relieved to have made it to the hospital and the quiet of the early morning hours made this one of the most peaceful experiences. The room was quiet except for Josh talking with the midwives and nurse about their families and some soft music playing. I spent about 10 minutes in the tub and the contractions were in high gear. I don't remember thinking about anything but meeting JT. I pushed twice and he was out! I had him on my hands and knees. I'm not sure why but this position has always been the easiest for handling contractions and with each baby I have found myself there. I turned around to see him and kicked my leg over the umbilical cord and grabbed JT (later, my midwife said that she had never seen that move before!). He was crying so loudly that I laughed and he had his little fist tucked under his chin and he put his hand on my face. This was the moment I had been dreaming about for 9 months. He was here and I was finally able to snuggle that sweet little boy! 

Judah and Evie love their baby  

     After getting out of the tub and dried off I got checked out by my midwife. Everything was fine and I was relieved to not have any tearing or problems with delivering the placenta. I struggled getting JT to nurse right away, but the student that my midwife had with her was amazing. She helped me get him to latch and put me at ease. I was so impressed with my midwife and her student and couldn't believe how peaceful and relaxed giving birth could be! (This does not mean that I didn't feel pain-it was certainly painful, but a pain so worth it). Earlier last year we changed our insurance and I was unable to go to the doctors that I had with Judah and Evie. This turned out to be a huge blessing. Having low risk pregnancies, I didn't think it was necessary to have as much "company" as I had at Judah's birth. There were 4 or 5 doctors and nurses at my feet with him and I was on information overload. With Evie, I was scared to death, because I was giving birth in my bathroom with no medical professionals. JT's birth was exactly what I wanted. At the hospital, peace and quiet, in the tub, quick, but not scary-fast. 

   JT's birth should have given me a clue that he was going to be as easy as his birth. Josh and I joke that he's our favorite, but really he is amazing. When we got home from the hospital he slept peacefully wherever and in whatever storm of toddlers was happening at the moment. At his first doctor's appointment, he had not only gotten back to his birth weight, but he had gained a couple of ounces. At six weeks he started sleeping through the night, which for me was the most amazing thing, because that did not happen with the first two. The Lord knows what you need!

Pictures by my sweet friend Angela Reed! I absolutely love this one. 

My mom being the amazing woman she is!

At the beginning of 2017, I heard the Lord telling me that He was doing a new thing. I had no clue what this consisted of and honestly, we're still in the middle of it. Shortly after telling God that I would trust Him with this "new thing", I found out that I was pregnant. Talk about a new thing! Having three kids three and under is extremely challenging in many ways. And most days I don't do the best job of trusting God with this newness, but I am trying to appreciate it. I love this little boy so much and am amazed that my heart could stretch to love another baby so much, but it has. JT fits so perfectly into our family and I see that God's plans are so much better than my own. 

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

Psalm 94:8-13 My Prayer

I have found that in these last couple of months my prayers are often quick and desperate. "Lord, please let Evie sleep!!"  "Father, help me not lose my cool."  "forgive me, forgive me , please forgive me."

These are the prayers that pass through my mind and lips like a broken record. With two small kids I barely have the time or brain capacity to create coherent thoughts. If it sounds like I'm exaggerating, trust me, I am not. I had to rescue a hot wheels car from a poopy toilet in the middle of writing this. 

 So, in these weeks of desperation I have turned to the Psalms. I need prayers and it seems that the words I need are there. Today, Psalm 94 gave me inspiration for this prayer. 

O LORD- 

You created me - my ears that hear the crying, demands, and laughing of little ones. I know You hear me.

You gave me eyes that see the tantrums, messes, and smiles of my babies. I know You see me. 

You made discipline- and are training me to discipline those in my care with unending love, mercy and justice, just as You do. 

You know how fleeting my life is, yet You choose to teach me Your ways. 

I am blessed because of Your discipline, because of your Word. 

You see my bad days and provide rest. 

Thank You Father. Amen. 

When the days are too much turn to the Lord, when the days are just right, praise Him! 

Love, Emily